Phillips Brewing Company – Dr. Funk Dunkel

Not sure what kind of Dr. is on the bottle, but he does look like he has some drugs to sell..or sex...

Colour: Ruby Red when held to the light.

Nose: Sour malty. Light on the sour. Dark spice hints teasing you too.

Flavour: Crisp and smooth, with a creamy feel in your mouth. There's a sweetness to the malts that is consistent throughout the whole glass.

Finish: Mild hops. Really smooth transition form the creamy malts to the hops.

A pretty damn filling beer. It's not a thick beer, but it feels gooey in your belly. We tried chugging it, cause we do that from time to time, and this pretty much jsut punches down into your belly and makes you feel stupid, cause there was no additional flavour.

It sounds weird, but we were calling this the Adult Coco-Cola by the end.

Jake – 8/10 – My first Dunkel!!

Two Shoes – 7.5/10 – Very good, a little filling, but an excellent sipping beer.

Phillips Brewing Company – Hop Circle IPA

Another IPA...like your not used to this by now hey??

Anything with Hops in it seems to get a bunch of pictures taken of it...

Nose: Oh ya, this is starting good.

Colour: Not very dark, very clear

Taste: Very very dry...very...wow...

This is a hoppy beer with no bells or whistles. No citrus, no nothing. Just straight up hops.

Not a lot to say. Hoppy, flavourful (the flavour is hops) it's a little skunky, but if you like hops (and you know we do) you'll dig this.

Jake – 7.5/10 – Bottom line, this is a beer with hops

Two Shoes – 8/10 – This is rad, hops and gnar. No fucking around.

Phillips Brewing Company – Blue Buck Ale

Colour:Awesome looking beer. Clean and clear

Nose: A good yeasty hops. Smell is here, setting up a good time.

Taste: Hmmm...The hops and malts are not working together here. You have a hops in your mouth, but the swallow and finish are mellowed by the malt and the delivery is weak overall.

A strong flavour that is really bland and plain...We're just not picking up on the groove their putting down here. It's a heavy beer too...Not an epic fail but it's not wow either.

...Gives you pasties...

Jake – 5/10 – Kind of balances out to nothing. I'm not knocking it, but the pasties are saying 4/10 right now...

Two Shoes – 5.5/10 – It's weird, the two flavours are rad, but together kind of make me think of feet...It's got flavour though, and even if it's a little undirected, it's still better than Bud...Yes, that means feet is a better flavour than Bud.

Dr. Awesome - 8/10 - Well fuck you guys then, I'll drink it all.

Cannery Brewing – Maple Stout

Did you read that up there?? A fucking Maple Stout!!

Maple!!!!!

Nose: maple syrup and yeast. Bread. It's like smelling french toast in a bottle.

Colour: As close as brown can get to black

Flavour: A great stout with a pure maple syrup flavour at the end of your tongue. Simple, but not really.

Two Shoes – 9/10 – I'd drink this for breakfast.

Jake – 6/10 – Fantastic in small doses, but a little too rich.

One Nut Joe -8/10 – My horse cock is tingling

Roland – 6/10 – Just a little too much...

So this one was a little short, seems like we ran out of room on this sheet as Mr. Horse Cock up there wanted to draw us an artist conception of what looks like a juicy hamburger and some sort of rocket ship??

Driftwood Brewery – Farm Hand Saison

It says ale, but it's a saison style, which means way more fucking flavour than an ale

Colour: Gold, clear, clean.

Nose: Dried fruit and yeast. Figs

Flavour: Wow...Complicated...good!

Flavour is close to the nose. Dried fruit, a slight pepper and malty aftertaste. The fruit lingers but does not last, the malt carries from the middle of your tongue all the way to the aftertaste. The front of your tongue is treated to a strong complex flavour, hits the middle and opens up full on the back.

Aftertaste: Wicked Bad.

Chug factor: Yes, very chuggable, but the flavours are lost, they need a moment to settle into your tongue, so chugging is a bit of a waste here.

Jake 8/10

Two Shoes 8/10

Red Racer – Pumpkin Ale

Yes, Pumkin Beer...Fantastic Pumpkin Beer.

Nose: Hmmm...This is fun!

Taste: It's like a pumpkin pie in your beer. The crust, the whip cream, all of it. A full slice of pumpkin pie, stuck right up inside your beer.

Drink this one slow, your mouth needs a moment to experience all this flavour.

We had a bit of an argument here...Is this something you want to give someone who hasn't really tried many different beers?? Or is this too much. So we ended up doing more science to it, and actually have a little table drawn up in this tattered notebook that goes something like this.

Strong Flavour Vs. Known Flavour

Strong Flavour – This is a strongly flavourful beer. We're not gonna lie to you, one of these is plenty. If you casually sip it expecting a standard boring fucking lager, your going to be shocked, and maybe turned right off getting a mouth full of pumpkin pie spice

Known Flavour – This beer tastes strongly of pie. Pumpkin pie. If you don't like pumpkin pie, jsut stop reading now, there's nothing here for you. If you do, you might be pleasantly surprised by this.

So in the end it's a judgement call and not really science at all.

Jake – 8/10 – Only shortcoming is that one is enough

Gary – 8/10 – Spectacular

Two Shoes – 8.5/10 – Hurrah!!

Mescal

So Jake went to Mexico and brought this back with him. We then did science to it (as we do to everything we drink lately) and have come up with the following conclusion.

Yup, that's a worm.

Jeezus fuck this shit in gnarly.

One shot, and 30 seconds later you are drunk. No fucking around, no feeling it come on. You feel a burn in your belly, and then you almost fall over.

Jake – 10/10 – Wow...Fuck...I'm drunk

Gary – Drunk/10 – I'm down the rabbit hole already

Two Shoes - ...Sprinkler/10 - ...???...(unintelligible noises)...???

Rouge Brewery – Morimoto Black Obi Soba

Hmmm...Rouge...

Bells and whistles bitches

Nose: Kind of reminds you of brandy. Also there's hops, and molasses.

Taste: Bitter. That's all we wrote...fuck I think we must have been pretty drunk here...The writing is pretty terrible too...and it looks like there might be blood on this bit of paper...

On a good note, it has a great, long lasting head.

Then there's a note about the shocker and a terribly drawn hand...

This is a much better drawing...

This is a thick one too, watch out for that. We think it's lovely, but if you've been following at all, I think you know we like our beers a little different.

Scores:

Cooter – 8/10 – I liked it. I enjoyed it. It's bad warm.

Burpie – 7/10 – Horrible warm...Other than that a 7. Great cold, but don't let it warm up

Jake – 10/10 – Fantastic hops, great body

Two Shoes – 7/10 – It's good...but kind of not good too...

Flying Dog Brewery – Tire Bite Golden Ale

After the Gonzo, anything with Flying Dog's name on it is something to get excited about.

Nose: Smells like a lager, not an ale...Getting less excited...

Taste: A hopped lager. Starts out really well..Crisp, clean and nice. Then you swallow and it's jsut not good. It's like a draft beer.

Around here, 1516 is the tap beer of choice, not cause it's good, but because it's the least shitty, and draft beer is cheap. This is a small improvement. Also, it's $18 motherfucking dollars.

If you have a pedigree dog, and the neighbours mutt got in your yard and railed the shit out of your little precious, this is what those puppies would be, and even you would still try to sell these little shit breed puppies as something fancy, wouldn't you??

and the heads shitty on it too...

Jake – 5/10 – 5 for the price, would have been 7 if it was like $12.

Gary – 3/10 – Mostly cause of the price and pretentious packaging. Where's the bite??

Two Shoes – 4/10 – Well...glad we could share, 6 of these wouldn't be fun at all...

Nelson Brewing Company – Paddywack IPA

Another IPA!!! Hurrah!!! Are you excited?? Do you think this is the other fabled 10/10 we hinted about earlier?? Do you?!? Wanna find out?? Then stop pissing around!

Organic beer hey??? Wait...Aren't most craft beers organic??

Starting with the nose, cause that's how we roll around here...Gingerbread, clove, and 'Vegimite'. Also, dirt.

Flavour – and here our lovely review format falls to shit. Gary drops an 'Oh No' and a cranky face on us before we sip ours, now we're jaded...but Gary is right of course...you get a bitter bit, gingerbread/black licorice...there's a sweet hops in the aftertaste, and that's the highlight.

It kind of sets you up well, but then Mr. Flavour just sort of fucks off somewhere for a bit until you swallow, and then there's mild hops.

Seems like a good candidate for a chug-ability test hey?? No, no it is not. Fuck you.

Scores:

Gary – No/10 This isn't an IPA. This isn't forgettable either, this is straight up dumpable.

Two Shoes – 6.5/10 – I don't care about label's much, and once you're past the 'I didn't expect this' stage there's something here to experience

Burpie – 5.5/10 – A good beginner beer for craft brewing.

Jake – 3/10 – Disappointed in the IPA label

Honestly, a lot of great beers are all about organically grown ingredients. They say a little something on the label and they're done with it after that. Look at the purity laws for German beers. That's pretty standard...this seems like a marketing ploy to grab the granola eaters. Wouldn't a better marketing ploy have something to do with making good beer and not putting the wrong label on it??

Anyway, this is obviously not the contender we are hinting about. Not even close...

Tree Brewing Company – Hop Head Double IPA

Ok, here we go. We're not going to lie, we've had this before, we know what score it's going to get..

Let's get the basics down here first though...

This is what awesome looks like.

8.3% (Woot!!)

Colour: Copper. Foggy. Foggy is good, this seems to be key to a stellar IPA. Pay attention people, this is some science shit going on here.

Nose: 'Yup...Wow...I want this inside me' That's what your gonna think. It smells like hops obviously, but there's so much more going on here. It's a near perfect blend of hoppy goodnes, that really demands on the first sniff that you sip. This is a good thing.

Taste: So it goes like this. You sip, and you are treated to a creamy hops all the way from the front of your tongue to the back. An awesome hop flavour with no citrus notes at all until the swallow, where there is a crisp finish.

The trick here seems to be the creaminess. This is a sort of darker IPA, and we think there are some creamy malts going on here that are working as a delivery agent for the hops. There's no blast to the mouth, no bitter beer face, but there is a fuckton of flavour here. While it's not a kick to the head, it's not, not a kick to the head either.

The nose of this one, while amazingly hoppy, is not even close to the flavour, which is amazingly hoppy. Not making sense?? GO TRY ONE!!! You'll know what we mean then, but go quickly, cause this is a limited edition and it's going fast.

By going fast I mean there are maybe ten of us in this town buying it up. That might not sound like you should rush at all, but I'm telling you, shut your god damn face and get yourself one before we drink it all and laugh at your sadness when you can't find any. Which we will do...we're kind of assholes...

Two Shoes – 10/10 – One of those beers your upset about running out of

Jake – 10/10 – Touche, Tree Brewing...Touche

As a teaser for you guys, there is another 10/10 IPA review coming...and then we make them fight each other in little cups like you used to do with spiders... cause you're such a terrible person...

Yukon Brewering Company – Ice Fog IPA

Maybe this is a good time to come clean here. We love hops. Like fucking love it.

Pictured: Not a lot of hops

Nose: Not that stellar. Basically a lager with a bit of bitter hops

Colour of straw. Pretty nice I guess.

Flavour: Fairly straight forward. A citrus flows into bitter and finishes with a very mild dry hop. There's something unique here, but it's hard to place. Guess you'll have to go try one hey?

Two Shoes – 7/10 – On the IPA scale this is weak, but as a general cup of beer it comes off as good

Jake – 6/10 – Great beer but I had expectations for a good hop and was let down. Still a great beer though

Granville Island Brewing – Gastown Amber Ale

Hmmm...Granville....

Not to sound bias or anything, but Granville pretty much rocks.

Scent – Not that fond of it. Not hops, not malts...

          Bottle – Sour malt...not that pleasant

          Glass – Sour increases, malt mellows out

Colour – It's called Gastowm Amber Ale... figure it out.

Taste – Little bit of hops, kind of feels like a wheat beer, but sweeter. Not a bad thing at all. It's a hard flavour to pinpoint in words...The malts comes at the beginning, not the end, which is kind of nice.

Strange thing...it reminds me of blueberries. Not like awesome pie or anything, I mean...it's beer, which is awesome, like pie, but the blueberry thing I'm trying to get across here is that this reminds me of those 'fresh wild blueberries' that you really shouldn't be eating cause they grow beside the highway...

Ya ok...I'm done sharing now...let's get back to this review thing shall we?

After – Not much. In and out. Nice, and then it's done.

Chug factor – Carbonation is high, you get less flavour if you chug, just that burnt bubbly thing that happens when you chug things like this.

Jake – 9/10 – I love Granville Beer

Two Shoe's – 8/10 – Good. Close to very good. I'd drink this all night for sure

Okanagan Springs – 1516 Bavarian Lager

Please keep in mind we're not that big on lagers.

Here it is overlooking some...What is going on here?? Fucking Google...see, this is why we take our own photo's. Is that fucking baseball those people are playing?? Why else is the stadium empty??

Scent – Lager – A sweet lager scent. Nothing new. You don't jump out of your shoes and scream about it.

OK Springs is gung-ho on simplicity really...

K, so there's not a lit of witty shit to say here. It's a great clean lager. No bells and whistles, just good beer.

This is what we drink at the pub...ok this is what we drink when we've already drank all their Guinness. It tastes a lot different on tap than out of the bottle, but it's still one of the best beers on tap...Mind you it's not competing with much...

Two Shoe's – 6/10 – It's good. Solid 6 for being ok on tap.

Jake – 5.5/10 – It's good...but it's a lager

Okanagan Springs – Brewmaster's Black Lager

Well, where to start?? The pour I guess hey?? Sounds good.

Bigger??

Head. Creamy off white. The pic looks white, but that's cause the liquid is fucking black. Makes a nice contrast hey?

Held to the light, it's a dark purple. Light barely gets through it for you to see that though, and why are you holding to the light like that?? You gonna take some pic's of it too?

Nose: Not a whole not more than a normal lager.

Flavour: In the mouth it's a little underwhelming. Lots of bubbles on your tongue, and that's about it until you swallow (this is cold of course, warm it up and you get some of the swallow flavour early).

Swallow and finish: Here's where this beer comes alive. You get hit with a very good blend of malt and hops, your teased with the finish, but first a shot of creamy goodness, then the finish arrives. And what is this finish?? Mocha. Motherfucking Mocha.

Jake – 9/10 – Fucking Eh! I'm not sure why it's not a 10, but fuck, 10 seems high

Two Shoe's – 9/10 – This is wicked, try it.

Phillips Brewing Company – Phillips Skookum Cascadian Brown Ale

Cool label, not too pricey. Off to a good start.

Nose: Nutty Hops. Nuts are rad, hops are super dope. This is a cool smell.

The Pour: So we don't get a cascade like a Guinness, but we get a thick and creamy looking beer. Huge fucking head that lasts forever too.

Taste: Hmm...Like a nut brown...sort of. In your mouth, not so much flavour. Something like...I dunno...earthy?? Nutskin?? (not like that you creep) Sounds a little disappointing, but sometimes a great beer keeps the major flavour for an aftertaste.

After: The flavour is here, this is one of those beers :) Dry hops rolls down the back of your tongue. It's strong, but not unpleasant. Provided you like hops of course (You must be catching on to a bit of trend here by now hey?

So we tried something different here. We think this might be good warm, so we went for a smoke and left this sitting on the table.

Warm: The flavour hits your tongue pre-swallow, an earthy nutty flavour that bubbles away and leads to the finish early...almost perfectly.

Warm After: Sort of a sour bitter that fades to a hoppy finish. The final bubbles provide this coca-cola teaser before the hops.

All around pretty damn good. Not nearly as heavy as expected for a thick creamy beer.

6.5% doesn't hurt either.

Jake – 8/10 – Nothing new, but well done at what it does

Two Shoes – 7.5/10 – Hoppy Malt = Happy Malt...I don't know, this was funnier at the time...maybe you had to be there??

Yukon Brewing Company – Lead Dog Ale

Starting off with a Stoli...Yup. Fuck you.

...

...

...

Ok now we're good to go.

Colour: Dark, Black. Looks purple when held to the light.

Head: Light brown. Tan head. It's hard to get though, that photo above is the result of a pretty aggressive pour

Nose: Hops, Black licorice, hops.

Taste: Thick and luxcurious. Molases, licorice, hops. There's a malty creaminess not unlike that of Granville Isle's beers. After you swallow the hops engulfs your mouth, leaving a bitter on the end.

After: If you can wait without sipping again right away, there is a lingering hops.

Yukon – Masters of the aftertaste.

Wanna hear something interesting? A sixer of this is 20 cents more than a sixer of Bud. That's kind of a big deal cause Bud tastes terrible and now it's not even cheap. So why are you drinking it? Right, cause this is too much for you...

...Fuck... I hate you so hard right now...

Anyways, on with the review!

Jake – 8/10 – Gonzo-esque. Just dope man.

Two Shoes – 8/10 – Yup, this is great stuff

Rolland – 9/10 – Not so strong...well... it's there, and it's very smooth.

Yukon Brewing Company - Yukon Red

Nose: Hops and malt. Kind of a sweet malt.

Taste: Malty hops. Doesn't sound that special, but it's really well done. Dry, but does not leave you with a pasty feeling mouth afterwards. It's really a pretty perfect blend of hops and malts. Like Reeses Pieces are a perfect blend of chocolate and peanut butter. It just tastes right.

 We take far to many photo's of beer...

Colour: Ya, it's red.

Very red.

Very chuggable, but it's flavour doesn't intensify really. There's a malty creaminess that shows up, but it's not really worth the chug.

It's just fucking good.

Jake – 9/10 – Wicked Bad

Two Shoes – 8.5/10 – Good Good Good.

Midnight Sun Espresso Stout - Yukon Brewing Company

6.2%...Just putting that out there...

So, lets get down to business. There is a coffee company in the Yukon (Midnight Sun Coffee Roasters) and a brewery (see the title) and they had a fun idea one day and combined forces to make something crazy. This is it.

Let's start with the nose: Molasses....That's...that's all we wrote down...note to self, hire a trained scribe monkey

Colour: Obsidian. It sucks light into it, Nothing gets thru it.

Taste: Slight coffee with a hop to it.

After – Fucking explodes with coffee and hops.

After After: Bitter coffee beer

Not a very heavy beer, despite the colour. The hops is different too, it's not dry, you have the hop experience, but your mouth is still moist feeling

As we go along, the coffee 'explosion' lessons. It's still there, just less. Not to worry, the beer picks up some of the slack. It's saying “Hey, I'm still cool” and it really is.

It turns into a headless black liquid, but the carbonation remains. You can't see any bubbles (due to the impenetrable blackness) but you can still taste/feel them.

**Please note that at this point the notes sort of start to fall apart and there are far more cock doodles than is typical...**

Jake – 9/10 – Good Jazz. Enjoyable all around. The last sip is a little mild, but it was good

Two Shoes – 9/10 – You like coffee, you like beer? You'll like this.

Rolland – 8/10 – If you like coffee...very coffee-ish

One Nut Joe – 2/10 – I don't know about this...left over Timmies after 3 days...

The KPF Ninja – Ughhhh!!/10 – Ughhhhh!!!

And then it seems like 5 grown adults starting talking about jammy pants to a degree that we have notes on it...

Really...

Why do these things even get written down??

Stoli

Pictured: A Debaucherious Night



Russian Vodka

Pretty much burns everything out of your mouth. We use it to help cleanse the pallet. Also, to get drunk. It works well for that too.

Jake – Yummy/10

Two Shoes – Full on fucking Sprinkler/10

Ya...we have problems hey??

Old Speckled Hen - English Fine Ale

“A distinctive rich malty taste, bursting with character, fruity aroma & deliciously smooth”

A pretty strong boast for a label. How's it stand up??

malty taste...yep, starts with a nice malt

Fruity aroma...Check

Smooth...yes very

Also, a bit of a bitter undertone

And wait, what's this, a nice dry hop too!

This is pretty damn good.

So, what we have here is a creamy beer, even when the head is gone. You've got fruit gently tickling at your tongue as you swallow, and are left with a dry hoppish finish

For something that's under $10 for 4 tall cans (in the air) this is pretty stellar.

Even Burpie,, who hates canned beers is ok with drinking this.

Jake – 8/10 – gets a high score for it's 'Value' (the under $10 thing)

Two Shoes – 8/10 – Does not taste like an old speckled hen...well ok maybe it does I have no idea what an old speckled hen tastes like.

Burpie – 7/10 – Pretty much undrinkable when it gets warm...but it's drinkable enough while cold you should finish it before it gets nasty..

Big Rock Brewery Craft Pack Overall

A nice balance of flavours, from light to heavy. Gives you a nice broad look at what craft beers are sort of like.

Good price, not too expensive.

Big Rock takes a few liberties with there classifications…but we’ll forgive them that, we’ve seen worse.

We had trouble getting any head on these beers. Even a violent pour left you with a little skim that would bubble off in no time. Some folks like head, some don’t…so we’ll just point this out and leave it as is.

Two Shoe’s - 8/10 – The summer pack had a lime beer in it, this pack did not.

They deserve an extra point for taking that trash out of here.

Jake – 8/10 – No fantastic stuff happening, no terrible things either.

Overall, this could be a good intro into Craft beers. We’re talking about getting your lame ass friends who are brand whores to try something new, this might be it. If you already have friends who like beer, then it might be worth a shot, something you might not have tried.

Warthog – Big Rock Brewery

Nose – Very similar to traditional, but we finally have some body here!!

Taste – Again, similar to traditional, but more hops. Mellow though, Big Rock seemsto have a thing for mellow hops. This isn’t a bad thing at all.

After taste – A more intense, (and shorter duration) of the Traditional Ale’s hop finish. You’re left with more hops on your mouth, and the tease of sweet is still there, but much less.

It’s sort of a caramel transitioning to hops, without ever hitting sweet. A creamyness presents itself that is kind of interesting.

Jake – 6/10 – Good, but far to similar to the Traditional Ale

Two Shoe’s 7/10 - Crank Traditional’s hops up one notch, and you get Warthog.

Traditional Ale – Big Rock Brewery

 

Appearance – Another very clean and clear looking beer from Big Rock.

Nose – Mild hop with a hint of sweet. A tad strong, but not unpleasant.

Taste – This has a creamy feel in your mouth with a subtle tease of sweetness. Finishes with a mild hop. All of the flavors tease at the back of your tongue.

“The nose sets you up and the taste delivers”

Chuggability – Very good. The hops are more prominent after a good couple of swallows.

Again your mouth is left with a dryness, with the last two this wasn’t a big deal, you just drink some more. Works out quite well actually…unless you’re drinking Grasshopper…

Two Shoe’s – 8/10 - Best one out of the craft pack so far…only one left

Jake – 7/10 – Don’t know what to say, but it’s good

Gopher Lager – Big Rock Brewery

A little stage setting is needed here. Mr. Jake…well Mr. Jake hates lagers. To quote him ‘Lagers blow, so boring and plain. Sucky, like your b-ball skillz” so just to let everyone know, this review will be skewed a little bit.

Colour: Very pale, almost a straw colour.

Nose: Not a whole lot…kind of smells like beer I guess…

Taste: Throughout most of your mouth it lacks much of anything…it’s the back of your toungue that gets the brunt of the flavor, and that’s just a slight bitter hop.

Now don’t get us wrong, that’s kind of cool. You can really chug the shit out of these if you want, and end up with a bit more intenst hop, which if you know us, you know we like hops.

It may sound funny, but we’re going to give this a good score.

Two Shoes – 7/10 ‘…better than grasshopper’

Jake – 7.5/10 ‘I hate lagers and this was good…like your Mom’

A very plain, pure, clean and straight forward beer. Not a whole lot of complexity, but all in a good way. Makes Mr. Jake think twice about lager segregation.

Grasshopper - Big Rock Brewery

Hey, so we here at The Beer Nerds are actually pretty big fans of wheat beers, despite the hop fests we tend to take part in all the time.

Look: This is a very clear beer, no floaties what’s so ever. So this must be a filtered beer…which is ok…but it seems like it may effect the flavor to take out the floaties,cause…

Flavour: Ummm…a little bit…yes there is a little bit of flavor here…

It’s a very slight wheaty, with an even more slight citrus hint. Orange rind is what we’re thinking. We have to be thinking it though, cause you really don’t taste much…

Chuggability is very high, if that matters to you.

Aftertaste:…if that’s what you want to call it, is slime to none… really it only leaves your mouth dry.

Overall, most wheat beers we’ve had have a fuller body and more flavor to them. If you want to compare this to a white beer or a hefe, than Grasshopper is definitely on it’s own.

Touted as a non-commercial ‘small batch craft beer’ but in reality it’s not far off from the norms.

“Good for a sunny day, if it’s ice cold” (said in the winter, so no actual basis in fact or experience)

Two Shoes - 6/10

Jake – 6/10

Alberta Genuine Draft

“It’s cheap and I didn’t throw up after one and it’s cheap”

That’s about all we want to say about this…

A Howe Sound Double Header

That's sort of a beer joke right?? Head??

Ok, make your own jokes then...

Two beers tonight from the brewery in Howe Sound. They come in giant 1L bottles with the resealable flip lids. Like a Grolsh, only bigger. Very good for home brewing I hear.

First up is the 'Rail Ale Nut Brown' Which should really just be yelled, cause it sounds better that way.

Howe Sound has a thing for trains by the way...*shrugs*

The opening sniffs do in fact reveal a nutty aroma, with licorice root and earthiness. It sounds weird but it reminded me of the chocolate ice cream that comes in the neapolitan mix. Does that make sense??

It looks basically black, but if you hold it to the light you see a caramel colour. It looks like a thick beer, but once you taste it you find that it isn't at all.

The flavour does not give you much nuttiness, but there is a hint of it. Dark chocolate and licorice root round out the flavour nicety. Let it sit on your tongue to get the full flavour.

Or wait for it to get warm...

Not even kidding here, this gets better as it gets warm. The chocolate and licorice come out in force.

Not a creamy beer as expected, I know chocolate kind of says creamy, but it's not.

Our scores:

Jake 6/10 – Nothing new or remarkable, but it gets a bonus point for coming in a cool bottle

Burpie 6.5/10 – For the warm = better thing

Two Shoes 7/10 – Good stuff. Nothing uncool, lots of flavour.

We're calling this one a good bar beer if you talk more than you drink, and you let your beer get warm. Could be a good one to get mashed on, it's not too filling. Certainly not a 'sit around and enjoy the flavour' beer.

Second of the night is the 'Father Johns Winter Ale'

ok, so first off we have to say we are fucking stoked to try this. Here's why:

The label reads:

'A rich, malty seasonal ale brewed every fall for the winter months. Made with four different malts, nuggets & hallertau hops and a complex blend of ginger, nutmeg, vanilla, cinnamon, molasses, honey, and yellow sugar. Named for John Mitchell, Howe Sounds original brewer and one of the fathers of Canadian microbrewing. Enjoy!'

And you know what? That's the most accurate label I've ever seen on beer. All of that is in there. All of it.

First impressions went like this

'Oh Wow!'

'That smell is nuts'

'Explodes in your mouth'

'Oh Geez!...' (yes, we talk like this, shut up)

needless to say, we were pretty into this one...but then something happened...

The ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg and molasses dominate. The other flavours are still there though, hinting about your tongue, looking for ways to get their flavours across...and that's where the problem comes in...

As we continue our glasses, we are starting to feel a little assaulted. This is a heavy beer, and our bellies are feeling it, and our mouths are filled with this onslaught of flavours that are in no way getting along.

Going back to the label above, it is a very complex blend...but complex does not always mean good. You can make a peanut butter and jelly sammich complex by adding ketchup, mustard and pickles to it if you want to...It's complex, sure, but fuck.

Toward the end the aroma is less of a spiced beer and more of a Glade air freshener.

Scores:

Burpie 4/10 – * Falls down some stairs *

Two Shoes 5/10 – Glad I tried it. Unique. I will remember it. * Laughs at Burpie *

Jake – 5/10 – A reluctant 5...bonus for trying. Too complex...or too muddled in it's complexity. All over the place. Pick a couple of flavours, not all of them.

This is more of a beer to share with a large group of friends. Maybe a dessert beer in a very small glass. You don;t want a full pint, it's just too much. :Letting it get warm isn't much of an option either; it just gets syrupy and sort of melted candy-ish.

The First Aventure Draws to a Close

Next up we break into our 'Whistler Summer Mountain Mixer' which really should have been a warning sign...

First out of the box (an an attractive sturdy box it is) is the 'Altitude Honey Lager'

The label tells us this is brewed with natural honey. I don;t know if any of you care, but that's pretty cool.

Taste wise it's pretty damn good. You have a mellow hop, with a sweet lingering (natural) honey finish. The aftertaste is an extension of the lingering part, so it's pretty good too.

Chugability is very high, these beers did not last long.

We were a little devided on how to score this one. We haven't decided really on how to do this, and to be honest at this point in the night we were getting pleasantly shitfaced (see the Gonzo review for a hint as to why) We basically started up an 'Out of Ten' scale.

Scores for the Altitude Honey Lager

Jake – 8/10

Two Shoes – 7/10

What we do agree on is that this is very smooth and easy to get along with. A full flavour beer that won't scare you...

...

...

You piss-ant Bud drinkers

Oh look!!! What a cute purse!!

Second out of the pack is a Whistler Brewing Company 'Premium Export Lager'

A 'purdy' coloured beer that is very very clear. Flavours of yeast and toffee, with a caramel sweetness to it. Afterwards you are treated to a mellow sweet that transforms to a mellow bitter. There is a citrus note as well, not a direct one, more like that hint of citrus you get when you squeeze a lemon on a salad...if that makes sense...Another very smooth beer all around.

And yes, the reviews are getting shorter...this 'Adventure' series of posts took place in one night, and we were getting pretty drunk by this point. So the notebook started to fill up with doodles of cocks and I think there might have been a sketch of a teddy bear having sex with a beer bottle...I wonder where that went...

So anyway, we're on to the final beer of the night, and we totally saved the best for last!

And by best I mean the fucking loser beer of the night. Fuck this one actually made us sit up and wonder what time it was, if it was time to leave yet or not. Turned out it was only 10:30...so this beer pretty much sapped our will to drink...

...Not a good start Whistler Classic Pale Ale...not a good start at all...

One of us describes the nose of this beer as a sweet-sour smell. The other says it smells like feet.

Flavour wise it's a dry hop bitter with a light aftertaste.

Drinking from the bottle might be a better choice, as you can avoid a nose full of feet.

Jake gives it a 5/10 - “Nothing Wrong, Nothing Right...Nothing at all...”

Two Shoes Gives it a 4/10 - “Ewww...It smells like feet” “Chug it then” “Ewww...ok...”

We agree, nothing exceptional here. A very plain beer. The loser of the summer mixer, and not worth the price of a 6 pack.

Tune in soon for the continued adventures of drunken twits...I mean The Beer Nerds...whatever, most of you are probably reading this cause we shoved it onto your computers, so you know what I mean.

You're welcome to bring us your favourite beer too, we'll drink it and not call you in the morning. Unless it's good. Then we might try to make out with you.

Just sayin'...

The Adventure Continues

The second beer we crack is Flying Dog's 'Gonzo Imperial Porter'

The reason we said the Punk IPA wasn't that expensive, well that's because we bought this stuff too. Thsi is a pricey little box...but for those of you who are into math and whatnot, this is a 9.2% beer, so if all your looking for is mashed value, than maybe you can crunch some numbers to justify buying this.

Us, we think it tastes amazing and don't really need to justify buying it, we just do, cause it's rad.

Let me set the stage for you. Two guys wander into my sisters place with a a notebook in hand, and a bunch of 'strange' beers. We crack one each and pour it into a glass. We marvel at it's blackness. We hold it to the light and proclaim that nothing can penetrate it's inky depths. Even the head on it is a mocha colour.

We start smelling and sipping, argue over whether the dark chocolate mocha is more powerful than the black liquorice and molasses flavours. We notice we are being mocked and offer some to my non beer drinking sister.

She fucking loves it too.

Now we have three us fawning over this beer, we're reading the labels on the bottles, how this beer is inspired by the life and times of Hunter S. Thompson, which explains the fucked up label quite well actually...

Before you know it, we are finished and have to move on...

Our verdict. Fucking rad. Strong flavours again my scare the pansy Coors drinkers, but come on...they drink Coors...

Next we break into the Whistler Brewing Companies 'Summer Mountain Mixer' ...in the winter...ya, it was a leftover or something...shut up, we just bought some pretty pricey shit and needed to balance things out...and we needed more beers...

The Adventure Begins

Dearest internet,

Hi, how are you?? Did you have a good holiday?? What's that?? Your a cold unfeeling collection of opinions?? You cannot base a judgement without consulting your comment sections??

Well ok...fuck you then.

Hello. We are the Beer Nerds. We are nerds who like beer. You can tell we are nerds as we are on the internet. See how that works out?? Pretty neat and tidy package hey??

So, in the interest of not being boring, we are going to review beers in a way maybe you haven't seen before. Maybe you have, maybe you actually go out and drink with your friends. If so, why are you here?? ...whatever...thanks for boositng our numbers. One day we will be internet famous cause of you :D

Basically, here's the schtick. (I have no idea if that's how you spell what I'm trying to say...that noise people make in TV New York is what I'm after here) We drink, and carry around a note pad. We use a note pad as we cannot afford midgets (yet) and they're pretty easy to get a hold of.

We start the night with an IPA from Brew Dog. A punk IPA. Since we are both sort of punk rock (as in old enough to remember the eighties and hate them) This one gets bonus points for sounding cool.

A little note about IPA's. They are SUPPOSED to be beers that taste like fucking hops!! See, back in the day, when boats were slow as fuck and yet the easiest way to travel, England went and occupied India. For like a long god damn time. So long in fact that they began to miss the beers of home (Irish beers) So they started to ship them down to India. The boats, being powered by wind and/or slaves at the time, were slow as fuck, and the beer kept going bad before it got there...or so the sailors said...and somebody somewhere seemed to figure out that if you added a fuckton of hops to it, it lasted a fucklong longer. So they did, and it did, and they got good and drunk and stayed in India for way to long.

Poor India...

Anyway, back to our Punk IPA.

Not the cheapest beer, but not that pricey either. Popping the cap releases a hint of sourness in it's hopy aroma, which is not really all that flattering...but we poured it into glasses anyway cause colour was next on our list of observations

Which turned out to be totally worth the pour. Not only does the scent not really bother you at all, but the colour is an interesting straw shade of gold. Yes, I know, who gives a fuck...but there is a reason we are talking about this...it's foggy...or misty...I wouldn't say it's cloudy, cloudy is a term for wheat beers that means there is shit floating around in it...this is a very fine mist of something we can only assume is tastiness.

Leading into the actual taste of this tastiness, we do in fact find an IPA. A very dry hops. Something cool going on here is that a lot of IPA's (at least in our experience) have a citrus hint in the flavour, which the Punk IPA totally lacks. This is pure motherfucking hops. All the way into the aftertaste, which lasts long and hard on the back of your tongue.

Basically, this is the start of the night, where we are still feeling cool about different beers, and we're laying a verdict down for this one that says Bud drinkers, fuck off, this is too much for your delicate little mouths. Everyone else should try this.

Even this dinosaur knows better than to drink tasteless beer

At this point in he night we head to my sisters place to watch the UFC. So tune in tomorrow see what we think of the 'Gonzo Imperial Porter' Which we enjoy next in our little adventure of tastiniess.